it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
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