I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
