If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
