Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Randomize
