i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
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