Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize
