i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
