he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
