he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
