I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Randomize
