and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Did I show you my penis last night?
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Randomize
