Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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