In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
I didn't notice because vodka
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
