My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Randomize
