Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
