Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
