You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
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