Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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