I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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