Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
