Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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