People in love make me want to vomit
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Randomize
