we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Randomize
