I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
