just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
I pour the whiskey from now on
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
