Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Randomize
