I can't breathe out the right side of my face
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
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