They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
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