theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Randomize
