too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
