i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
Randomize
