is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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