its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Ladies don't puke and tell
Randomize
