I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
