My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
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