I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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