i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
I woke up under a house in Key West
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
