wat bout pragnant strippers??
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
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