she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
