i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
