dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
