there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
