i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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