yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
I feel great
I just peed on a car
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Randomize
