just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
my god I love twenty year old dicks
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Randomize
