On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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