you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
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