if i can run in heels then i can drive
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
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