you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
