I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
my being single is dangerous.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
